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by Ealaain

This is my first critique so go easy on me and know that I'm trying to be fair and unbiased. The initial view of this work startled me ...

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  • Listening to: the IV
edit
My head hurts. Everything hurts. I don't deserve friends (and strangers) like all of you. I won't put any details except that by some miracle, I'm still here. My mom says thank you all dearly for your kind words. 
I'm sorry for even thinking about these kinds of things. (Let alone going one step further) I guess it's a good thing I screw things up all the time eh?
end edit
My book of Forty hearts
Where memories lure
That blew me apart
One piece for my brother who died that day
One piece for the other who ran away
One piece for my sister who was abused
One piece for my crutch, which was always used
A small bit for her
Who took me to places I thought I'd never go
A sliver for Violet, who saved my soul
A slice of heart for the open skies
Where the jets fly overhead
A part of heart for my mother
Who seemed to always know
A bit of heart for my father
Who always said 'I told you so'
These forty shattered bits of heart
Went flying so far apart
There's nothing left for me now
To live on, I don't know how
A space in my book for the lightning so bright
A place in those lines for a train horn at night
A bit for the coal placed upon the fire
A split for the copper within the wire
A lonely guitar rings out in the sound
A hollow echoing all around
A harp played like silk
A cold glass of milk
The smell of the ground
These forty hearts
Now bitter and cold
A piece of my heart for a story well told
The look on her face when it shines out like gold
A hawk on the wind with a warbling cry
The touch of your skin and a reassuring sigh
A bit of heart for the ocean and sand
For gentle words and the touch of your hand
My heart to the stars filling up the beyond
And reflecting them back in a still water pond
These forty hearts are all used up
And now are all gone
A need a heart that's not my own
A color of a brighter tone
Like explosions in the air
Some are here and others, there
But all that's left is smoke
Floating in to make me choke
A heart for Resolution and it's heavy guitars
Just like being Weightless on Mars
A lap in the pool with the water so warm
Old treasure maps all faded and worn
Many things in this life are free
When people relax and just let me be
The silent snow covering the hill
And Todd runs down screaming "NEAL!"
The smell of breakfast on Christmas morn
The taste of perfectly seasoned popcorn
A fine point pen and clean paper to match
Those eyes of blue that I wish to catch
I wonder how much anyone would care
If they discovered me no longer there
An obstacle course with the perfect of flows
To reach hidden places that nobody knows
Keeping my feet planted square on the ground
When the rest of my life is all tumbling down
My book of hearts now is near it's end
Much like my life, I don't think I can mend
So I scrape together my final goodbyes
And try not to see the world in your eyes
If careful track you have kept and found thirty-nine
The last on this list is something that's mine
A memory dear that I hold deep
Of a person I could not keep
A greater talker was he requested of me
Send me down that I might return to he
With an Apple for him laden with success
But of my life is only a mess
Forty hearts
If my Kiriban gets caught, I'll probably stick around a bit longer
Loading...
  • Mood: Hopeless
  • Listening to: Time to say Goodbye - Sarah Brightman
I'm going away for a long time.
Happy Easter by Shadow-Hacker
Happy Easter
We colored eggs with all the grandkids. These are the best of the best.
Loading...
  • Listening to: Britt Nicole - Hanging On
Natural Hair Color
[]Black - $100
[x] Blonde - $50
[x] Red - $75
[]Brown - $15
[] Other - $10 

Total So Far: $125


Eye Color
[x]Blue - $50
[]Hazel - $100
[]Brown - $15 
[]Green - $200
[]Other - $10

Total So Far: $175

Height
[] Over 7' - $200
[] 6'8" to 7' - $175
[] 6'0" to 6'7" - $150
[x] 5'5" to 5'11" - $75 
[] 4'9" to 5'4" - $50
[] Under 4'9 - $105

Total so far: $250

Age
[] 41 to 50 - $150
[] 31 to 40 - $100
[x] 26 to 30 - $75
[] 21 to 25 - $50
[] 19 to 20 - $25 
[] 0 to 18 - $100

Total so far: $325

Birth Order
[] Twins (or More) - $300
[] First Born - $300 
[] Only Child - $250
[] Second Born - $150 
[x] Middle Child - $100
[] Last Born - $200
[] Third Born - $100
[] Fourth Born - $100
[] Fifth Born - $375

Total so far: $425

Drink?
[x] No - $400
[] Only holidays - $250
[] Sometimes - $215
[] YES - $200
[] Only weekends - $300
[] Every other day - $50
[] Once a day - $15
[] I live from the bottle - $10

Total so far: $825

Vision
[] perfect vision - $300
[] Have glasses/contacts but don't wear them - $200 
[] No correction - $100
[x] glasses - $50
[] Contacts - $25
[] Surgical correction - $

Total so far: $875

Family's Car Color(s)
[] Orange 
[x] White - $2,000
[] Maroon - $800
[] Gold - $700
[] Grey - $600
[] Blue - $900
[] Pink - $475
[] Black - $450
[] Red - $400 
[] Green- $350
[] Silver $300
[] Purple- $250
[] Metallic - $200
[] Yellow - $100
[] Primer - $75
[] Tan- $20
[] Rusted - $15
[] No Car - $0

Total so far: $2875

Shoe Size 
[] Over 13 - $300
[]12 1/2 to 13 - $250
[] 11 to 12 - $700
[] 10.5 - $650
[x]7 to 10 - $600
[] Under 7 - $550

Total so far: $3475

Favorite Colors     
[x] Green - $750
[] Black - $600
[] Red - $800
[] Yellow - $415
[] Brown - $50
[] Purple - $225
[] White - $400    
[] Aqua - $350
[] Orange - $300
[x] Blue - $300 
[] Pink - $100 
[] Other - $50

Total so far: $4525


Did you use a calculator to add it all up?
[x] Yes - $0  (normally I can add in my head but I'm stressed and tired right now)   
[] On Some - $750
[] No - $1000

Total so far: $ 4525

How many people are you going to tag? 
[] Over 61 - $250,000
[] 51 - 60 - $100,000
[] 41 - 50 - $50,000
[] 31 - 40 - $10,000 
[] 21 - 30 - $5,000
[] 11 - 20 - $1,000 
[] 1 - 10 - $500
[x] 0 - $0 

total worth: $4,525 Not too bad

next one
10 facts about me? 

1. My hair changes colors on its own depending on the season
2. I live 300 miles away from my parents
3. I'm part German, English and Swedish (I thought I was part Welsh but apparently my moms maiden name was picked up from who knows where by my great great grandpa)
4. I used to be colorblind in one eye as a kid
5. I taught myself how to do a standing backflip on the ground when I was 17 cause I was bored one day
6. I learned how to dive into a swimming pool last summer (2014)
7. at the age of 25
8. Despite doing flips and things on the ground, the first time I ever did a front flip into a swimming pool was last night (3-27-15)
9. When I was little I wanted to grow up to be spider-man
10. When I lived in the city, I would sneak out at night and climb on top of buildings just to see if I could)

1)Is it easy for you to wake up early at morning?
yes. I can't sleep in past 7:30

2)Do you drink sodas?
very rare occasion

3)Science or magic?
Science is magic err magic is science ( Ask Odin or Thor, or Loki,....)

4)Entendes alguna de estas palabras?
I know more Swedish then Spanish

5) :D (Big Grin)ummy:
I think it's supposed to be :icondummyplz: ?

6)What is the first social problem you think should be solved first? (education, corruption, safety, economics)
bullying

7)What's your favourite song?
Right now it's "Turn it up - the band 'Stars' "

8)What's your favourite non-human character?
No idea really

9)Wich is the most emotional movie you've ever watched?
"Dead Poets Society" or Meet the Robinsons

10)Wich is the best country to live in your opinion? Why?
I want to visit Sweden one of these ties but I enjoy living in the country I am in (I know, American Government sucks but America is where my family is)

3rd meme
1.: GRAB THE BOOK NEAREST TO YOU, TURN TO PAGE 18, AND FIND LINE 4.

Asop's Fables "There is nothing that I would rather do, friend hare"

2,) STRETCH YOUR LEFT ARM OUT AS FAR AS YOU CAN. WHAT CAN YOU REACH?

Wallet, table. phone, computer fan, desktop tower

3.) WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU WATCHED ON TV?

The Fantastic Mr. Fox

4.) WITHOUT LOOKING GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS?
 
11:45?

5.) NOW LOOK AT THE CLOCK. WHAT IS THE ACTUAL TIME?

11:46

6.)WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THE COMPUTER, WHAT CAN YOU HEAR?

My boss / house mate in his wheelchair and his brother talking to himself

7.)WHEN DID YOU LAST STEP OUTSIDE? WHAT WERE YOU DOING?

about an hour ago. doing yard work

8.) BEFORE YOU STARTED THIS SURVEY, WHAT DID YOU LOOK AT?

ksl ads

9.) WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

my black popeye t-shirt and jeans

10.) DID YOU DREAM LAST NIGHT?

I was in the bathroom and about take a shower when my brother broke the door down.

11.) WHEN DID YOU LAST LAUGH?

yesterday at work

12.) WHAT IS ON THE WALLS YOU ARE IN?

Wile E. Cyote.  Antlers. Pirate flag. horseshoes. a calendar a clock
13.) SEEN ANYTHING WEIRD LATELY?

not really. 

14.) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS QUIZ?

It's lots of words

15.) WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW?

The Fantastic Mr. Fox

16.) IF YOU BECAME A MULTI-MILLIONAIRE OVERNIGHT, WHAT WOULD YOU BUY?

I would buy all the land in the valley and force the hippies out so they would stop passing stupid laws against farmers

17.) TELL ME SOMETHING ABOUT YOU THAT I DON'T KNOW?

I can find things I have never seen that are located 300 miles away by thinking about it. (my sisters call me all the time and so far I have a 100% success rate) car keys, important papers, coats, 

18.) IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT THE WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

humans.

19). WHAT DO YOU WANT TO LEARN IN THE FUTURE? 

How to teleport

20.) GEORGE BUSH:

why is this question covered in garbage?

21.) IMAGINE YOUR FIRST CHILD IS A GIRL, WHAT DO YOU CALL HER?

Arlene

21.5) What if intersexual child happened? 

a what?

22.) IMAGINE YOUR FIRST CHILD IS A BOY, WHAT DO YOU CALL HIM?

No idea

23.) WOULD YOU EVER CONSIDER LIVING ABROAD?

erhm....i'd rather not

24.) WHAT DO YOU WANT GOD TO SAY WHEN YOU REACH THE PEARLY GATES?

"Well done my good and faithful servant"

25.) TAG 4 PEOPLE WHO MUST(CAN) ALSO DO THIS IN THEIR JOURNAL!
If you want to, go nuts
  • Listening to: the IV
edit
My head hurts. Everything hurts. I don't deserve friends (and strangers) like all of you. I won't put any details except that by some miracle, I'm still here. My mom says thank you all dearly for your kind words. 
I'm sorry for even thinking about these kinds of things. (Let alone going one step further) I guess it's a good thing I screw things up all the time eh?
end edit

deviantID

Shadow-Hacker
Light Source
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
My one greatest wish here on dA is get a bow tie for my Llama, cause bow ties are cool
I do parkour and draw, I am a poet writer but feedback is pretty scarce on stuff like that in a place like this.
I'm just your average joe nice guy. But I'll go out of my way to make others happy
Always thinking those wonderful blue eyes and that brilliant shy smile.

Currently learning Swedish cause it's awesome :D
Jag älskar min farfar och jag en dag kommer att finna den plats som han växte upp.

Trains are awesome. BNSF warbonnet is by far the sexiest train in existence.

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Comments


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:iconqjzdavf:
qjzdavf Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Student General Artist
THANKS FOR THE WATCH!!!
Reply
:iconnuneathedeviant:
Nuneathedeviant Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2015
You have a purpose in this world, we all do so why do you think you should kill yourself? Make that purpose of yours cometrue!
Reply
:iconsupernintenbro:
SuperNintenbro Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2015
:iconshadow-hacker:  stop.
Reply
:iconseika:
seika Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2015   Artist
thanks for the llama! 

:iconllama-plz:
Reply
:iconaussiedidge:
AussieDidge Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks very much for the llama mate! Here's one back in return. :)
Reply
:iconmarl1nde:
Marl1nde Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2015  Hobbyist
thank you very much for the fav on
The Derpy Dragon Flop by Marl1nde    
it's very much appreciated~!
could you perhaps help me in a poll contest?
thefavouriteshowcase.deviantar…
ignore this message if you've gotten it already
Reply
:iconshadow-hacker:
Shadow-Hacker Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Sure thing. :) 
Reply
:iconmarl1nde:
Marl1nde Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2015  Hobbyist
to not entirely defile your page, imma put this here in the reply box~~

thank you very much for the favs on
white headed dragon by Marl1nde  Iruka, if i may call you by that name by Marl1nde  
it's very much appreciated~!

i was wondering if you could help me in a journal~~
it's a voting contest and i'd really appreciate your help!
Challenge COLOUR RED vote and win points!
you do need to vote on three pictures, otherwise your vote won't count ^^
and don't worry, this is allowed and has been done before
thanks for your time ^^
Reply
:iconshadow-hacker:
Shadow-Hacker Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Where can I see the constant entry rules?
Reply
(1 Reply)
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